Lets learn us some dictionary oh my god I just realized that dictionary probably comes from the word diction holy crap

I've been meaning to write this post for a few days now, but I deemed certain activities to be more important, like napping, watching Yo-Yo Girl Cop, and playing pirated Link to the Past because this actual cart 8 feet away from me refuses to work for no apparent reason other than spite. Clearly I am a terrible blogger, but in my defense, something titled "Yo-Yo Girl Cop" demands proper attention.

Wait, no, I mean that it was totally post-material research. Yeah, that's it. See what I do for you people? You're welcome.

But speaking of pirating video games (this segue totally works shut up), I have recently been forcing some new vocabulary into any set of ears or eyes I can. I have decided that we, as a whole, need to finally put our collective foot down and come up with an actual word for anti-piracy software and devices. I'm actually a little surprised that this hasn't happened already.

Now, the act of calling people who steal stuff like music and movies "Pirates" has existed for a long time now, and recently, anti-piracy has been picking up a lot of steam. The obvious solution here is to come up with a pirate-themed word. But what things have historically been rather anti-pirate in nature?

Neptune/Poseidon, God of the Sea: Worthy, but kinda clunky and not fitting with the pre-existing vernacular. Plus, he sometimes provides Pirates with calm seas that guide them into bustling ports full of ales and wenches, a notable plus.

The Kraken: Better, but seems more fitting a term for he who creates the anti-piracy software in the first place.

The Navy: Closer still, but not quite.

Scurvy: Here we go! Yes, scurvy  has long been the bane of pirates everywhere, with its horrible symptoms and ease of catching during long, rough voyages to uncharted seas. Its even easy for good honest sailors to get it, "Sailors" here referencing people who like to share the occasional MP3 or ROM with friends without really being a full-on Pirate. (Ooh, that's good, maybe I should start using that too.)

Wait, here's where it gets better. Now, nearly every form of Scurvy has some kind of work-around, rendering it inert and keeping the Pirate safe from its ill effects. So what beats scurvy? Fruit! Specifically, popularly perpetuated at least, citrus fruits. I seem to recall limes being mentioned a lot, along with oranges. Limes sounds better than Oranges, so these anti-anti-piracy measures are now called "Limes."

So, to recap:

Scurvy: Anti-piracy devices embedded into a form of media with the intent of making the media unusable or unenjoyable to those who have acquired it illegally.
"Oh man, Arkham Asylum has some nasty Scurvy. It disables my glide ability here, so I can't glide over this pit and I keep dying!"
"Damn, this movie has Scurvy. I can't play it without it freezing 2 minutes in!"

Lime: A work-around for anti-piracy devices, canceling them out and allowing illegal copies of a form of media to function without hinderance.
"There are a few Arkham Asylum Limes that fix that death-pit problem."
"Download this Lime. It makes the movie skip its Scurvy checks so it won't freeze."

I really like this vocabulary, and I can totally see it actually being used. "Scurvy" just sounds so much better than "anti-piracy," plus its a less clunky word, and most people seem to love pirate-themed stuff. So spread the new words! Tell your friends to use them with wild abandon! (Sorry, I just really wanted to use the phrase "wild abandon.")

Next time on Aeramblings: A post about various forms of Scurvy used over the years that makes heavy use of the lingo established here!