Video Game Deconstruction: Pokemon

Monster capturing.

Perhaps one of my most hated of all video game mechanics. I honestly don't see what it so fun about meticulously managing your attacks to get your foe's HP down that extra little sliver, trying in desperate vain to get those status effects to stick, and then cursing up a storm once you land a critical hit, kill your target, and then spend another hour once again searching for that one rare monster that likes to instantly run away from you. This abomination that has a spot reserved in Hell right next to the teleporter mazes and boss battles with unskippable cutscenes in front of them is in a wide variety of games, but of course, the series that everyone knows the best is Pokemon.

Once upon a time, I was a huge Pokenerd. I had Red and Yellow (and later Blue, which I never really played) and played the hell out of them, even going so far as to get all 150 of the critters in Red. Back then monster capturing was new, and while it annoyed me, I still put up with it. But eventually the Pokecraze died out, like all fads, and I abandoned the series. As the years passed, I saw monster capturing start appearing in more and more games, and I eventually began to hate it. My hatred grew to the point that I would hear about new games, be really excited about them, and then instantly get turned off when I saw the words "monster capturing" in the description. And of course, I swore to never play another Pokemon game again.

But why am I telling you all this? Because I have recently succumbed to peer pressure (all the cool kids are doing it, y'know) and tried playing Pokemon Fire Red, the remake of the game I played into the ground as a kid. I was promised an exciting new land of game balance, cleaner interface overhauls, and an overall better game. Were these promises delivered? It's gonna take a big article to answer that question!

This will be divided into three parts: What I remember of the original games and the hype surrounding them, my experience with the remake and introduction to the newer games' systems, and a kind of retroactive review of the original game as I replay it after finishing Fire Red, in an effort to see if my memories are correct, and if the game has really aged badly enough to warrant playing the new version.

The Old

It's about a good 10 years or so ago. I'm in middle school, and this hot new game called Pokemon is slowly devouring everyone's souls. I scoop up my own copy of Red, and soon me and my Bulbasaur are beating the hell out of some little birds and cocoons. It takes a looong time, but eventually, I trade my way to a completed Pokedex and revel in the glory of being one of the few in school that got that damn little electronic diploma.

My first taste of ePeen is glorious. So of course, I also get the Yellow version, the one based on the hit cartoon show that everyone that mattered watched. It's awesome to actually be battling Jesse and James and have my own Pikachu that walks around with me, and I nearly shit a brick when I realize that I can get Bulbasaur AND Squirtle AND Charmander without having to trade. Life is good.

After beating Yellow, I decide to get Blue, just to round out the trio. But this is when the fad started to die. Nobody was playing anymore, the show was suddenly lame, and the game was beginning to get monotonous. Blue got shelved before even getting half the badges. (It also didn't help that I restarted Red. >.< )

So what do I remember about the game? I remember that Bulbasaur is goddamn amazing and rapes the hell out of the first half of the game. I remember that Psychic types are the best and at least two of my team spots should be reserved for Psychic types at almost all times. I remember Ghosts and Dragons are also awesome, which they must be if there's only one family of each of them! I remember that status-effect inducing attacks are worthless. I remember wishing I could choose my Pokemon at the start of each fight instead of just defaulting to whoever's in slot 1. I remember that my final team ALWAYS included Venusaur, the 3 legendary birds, and Mewtwo, because hey, they're clearly the best ones in the game! I remember wishing I could get a Mew. I remember discovering MissingNo. and playing around with him, his two Water Guns, and his ability to garble up my Hall of Fame. I remember wishing it was easier to organize stored Pokemon. And I remember monster capturing being obnoxious as fuck.

Basically, I viewed the game through the eyes of a 12 year old: My perception of the facts weigh more than the facts themselves, and the game interface is what it is and I shouldn't have any problems with it. But now is where we get to the real meat of this article...

The New

I agreed to play Fire Red under two conditions:
1) I get to hack myself up a huge pile of Master Balls so I don't have to deal with monster capturing, the only thing keeping me from actually playing any Pokemon games.
2) I don't have to deal with anything involving any Pokemon with an ID number higher than 151, or anything that is Dark or Steel type.

Condition 1 was easy to set up, and made the game SO much more enjoyable, and for the most part, Condition 2 was easy to follow. Sure, there were a couple odd attacks of new types, and it took me forever to realize what the hell was going on with Magnemite and why it was suddenly so hard to kill, but for the most part, it wasn't an issue.
ANYway, let's look at my experience with the game!

The game started out the same: I named my rival something horribly offensive, got yelled at by Prof. Oak, and got my Bulbasaur. After a short intro battle with RIVAL FAGBALL, I was off to get beaten up by Pidgeys and Rattatas.

The first new thing I noticed was how the inventory is broken up into sections: Items, Key Items, and Pokeballs. I found this to be highly unnecessary, as you'll only have one kind of Pokeball on you at any given time. Keeping the key items separate was nice, but was also unnecessary when you keep in mind that this is being compared to the first game, where the bulk of those key items didn't even exist. I still liked the Select button hotkey though; getting out my bike with a single button press was quite nice.

The next oddity was my introduction to special abilities. I couldn't figure out why it seemed like the various forest bugs just couldn't be poisoned. I was in for a rather more direct introduction to this system when I attacked a Pikachu and found myself paralyzed for some reason!

I was not amused.

The idea is kinda neat, I guess, but more obnoxious than helpful. Overall, I would have preferred this to not exist at all.

My first positive new find was being able to get descriptions of attacks and their damage and accuracy readouts, even when looking at a TM. This was VERY nice, but is also easily countered with experience with the games. Another very nice new addition is the help menu, which has a very handy type/attack advantage chart. Great for learning these new types!

Not too long later, I found myself in a duel with FAGBALL. Of course, as always, my Geodude was a good counter to his CharmanderWHAT THE FUCK IS STEEL CLAW AND WHY IS GEODUDE DEAD.

I'm now entering the land of new attacks. Mass confusion spreads as I try in vain to figure out why my pokemon are falling in love with Jigglypuffs or what the hell these Zubats are doing that's not Leech Life.

But I slowly learn the new ropes, with the only major bump being Magnemites and their new Steel type. I'm even getting experience with old attacks! I learn that status-inducing attacks are actually pretty decent. I even set up Venusaur to be a really dirty fighter: Sleep Powder, Leech Seed, and whatever attacks he currently has. Very nice for stubborn opponents that I don't have type-weak attacks for.

I hit another snag as I realize that Psychic and Ghost types have been tinkered with. Psychics aren't as rapetastic as they used to be, and Ghosts are even more useless. I am lectured about the failures of using Ghost types.

I get my Farfetch'd! Happy day!
...What's up with this new lame name? Ch'ding? What the shit is that?!

Hmm... these two on two fights are pretty neat! I especially like how different attacks work in different ways here, like how Razor Leaf hits both opponents, and how you have to decide if Surf's awesome power is worth using, considering that it also hits YOUR other pokemon. Too bad every single one only has just those two to fight. Why can't any of these double trainers have extras to swap in?

Nothing majorly new pops up until I hit the islands. That Bill person walks up and invites me to visit some exotic new islands. I hate dungeons in this game, thanks to high encounter rates with swarms and swarms of Rattatas and Zubats. I also want nothing to do with new content. I decline his offer. (Seriously. Why are there Rattatas everywhere?! I totally don't remember fighting Rattatas for the entire game.)

Too bad this now apparently means that I'm not getting Moltres! Why the fuck did they move him?!

This is odd. My Gyarados is learning Dragon-type attackS. Plural. As in more than just Dragon Rage. I find this to be incredibly weird.

Time for the Elite Four. This shouldn't be too badWHY IS LORELEI RAPING THE FUCK OUT OF ME.

I am convinced that they purposefully made this bitch outlandishly more annoying. This new Hail attack does nothing but be obnoxious, and Cloyster apparently now has an ability that nulls all damage thrown at him.

What the fuck.

But I finally plow through, defeat CHAMPION FAGBALL, and claim my position as yadayadawhatever. The important thing is that now I can go get Mewtwo!

WHY IS THIS ASSHOLE TELLING ME THAT I CAN'T GO GET MEWTWO

Apparently I need to go do those new islands to get into Mewtwo's cave.

Fuck you, game, fuck you.

So, in the end, it's a very well done remake... if you like the series' new mechanics. Which I clearly don't. I mean, it had some nice new stuff, but the annoying new stuff outweighed it all to me. But maybe my memories of the old game are faulty? Maybe it has some problems of its own? Then I guess there's nothing left to do but...

Replaying the Old

I find myself a new code to give myself a pile of Master Balls, and fire up the game. I am instantly greeted with waves of nostalgia as my senses are assaulted by massive pixels and horribly grating beeps that form "music." It's ugly, but in a way that makes me feel fuzzy inside. THIS is Pokemon, damnit!

So I start gathering my troops again, and I hit my first snag: Pokemon in this game just plain don't have many moves to use. Sure, most of them still have the bulk of the stuff they had in Fire Red, but a lot of it is either learned much later on or is just plain terrible. Remember that awesome Bulbasaur setup I had? Not happening here. He didn't get Sleep Powder until I was ready for the Elite Four. He didn't even have Razor Leaf until about halfway through the game! And I didn't even use Geodude this time, as the only rock move he had access to was Rock Throw, which is both learned incredibly late and has the accuracy of a blind drunk retired cop. The bulk of the reason I used him in Fire Red was because he could take out flying types. This little bastard couldn't take out anything. I did get my Moltres this time, but only to find out that his move pool is atrocious. The only fire moves he gets are Fire Spin, which is awful, and Fire Blast, which has low accuracy, almost no PP, and is tied to a TM. This move pool problem of course wasn't noticeable in the past because there was nothing to compare it to. But now, coming off of Fire Red, I must say that it's rather craptacular.

The other big problem I had was with storage. I totally didn't remember that you had limited inventory space in this game. Nor did I remember that if your pokemon box was full, you couldn't catch anything until you manually changed boxes. These were snags, but they were minor ones. Sure, it was annoying, but not nearly reason enough to not play the game because of.

The major perk to playing this game, though, was Mew. In case you don't know, there's an exploitable glitch that allows you to basically encounter any wild pokemon you want. Funnily enough, the easiest one to see is Mew! So I was very happy to get myself a Mew that is as close to legit as you can get without getting it from an event. It may not be received under completely legit means, but it's still fully generated by the game itself, which is ok in my book! I had a lot of fun playing around with a Mew, and it really opened up spots in my team to play with other pokemon. The fact that he knew Surf and Dig meant that I didn't need a Water or Ground type, so I got to do things I've never done, like make a completely viable Haunter, and actually use a Dratini/Dragonair/Dragonite.

Aside from all of that, though, it was pretty much the same as playing Fire Red. A little more archaic and hard, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It definitely had a different feel to it, but it was still the same game.

And the winner is...?

Well, after playing both Red and Fire Red, I am ready to make my fully renewed opinion of the Pokemon series. So my choice for preferred game is...

Neither. I'm sorry, but after playing both, I can't find either one to be enjoyable. While Red has the nostalgia factor and none of the new features I find to be obnoxious, it also has its more intensive gameplay style, with storage issues and the need for excessive grinding just to get new moves. And while Fire Red has its very nice streamlined interface and pokemon with better and more fun movesets, it also has a bunch of the stuff I hate from the new games that do nothing but overcomplicate everything. So in the end, I can't play Red without wanting the better interface, and I can't play Fire Red without hating the new bullshit.

Now, if there was some kind of middle ground, I would be happy. A game that was like Fire Red, but was instead a fully true port of Red, and not a readaptation to make it fit in with the 3rd generation of games. A game that lets me easily manage my items and pokemon and check the stats of my moves and TMs, but also doesn't have stupid shit like Dark and Steel attacks, passive abilities, or stat-influencing personalities. I would play the hell out of that game.

But as it stands, that will never come to exist. So I guess this means that I am now fully justified in not playing Pokemon ever again. It was a fun experiment, but it ultimately ended in disappointment.